What to Look For in a Long-Term Partner

Business Ideas For Newlywed CouplesSo, you’ve been single for a while, have been on the dating scene, have been working on your interior yourself and your needs, and are finally ready to find a partner that you can see a future with.

We know what you’re thinking — easier said than done. And sure, dating can be brutal nowadays. What with all the options we have in terms of dating apps and actual partners. Sure, we as people have a lot of hang-ups and quirks, but who doesn’t deserve love. 

While you’re dating, being cognizant of what you want out of a connection and an eventual relationship is super valuable in terms of ruling out dates and partners that it wouldn’t work out with. On dating apps, it can actually be surprisingly easy to eliminate matches who are definitely not on the same page. As long as you know what you’re looking for, it will be easier to find. 

If you’re looking for the real thing — a long-term partner and a lot of love, then start taking yourself, your needs, and your dates seriously. If you’re sick of the cycle, then all you have to do is break it. Don’t approach dating the way the old you would approach it from the new you’s perspective. You’ll be ecstatic about what that energy will welcome into your romantic life. 

If you’re looking for tips on finding a long-term partner, we’ve got it all here! 

Find someone with similar values. 

For a long-term relationship to work, you two will need to have similar values and visions of a combined future. There are many types of values that can be at play here. They can either be religious values, political values, ethical values, personal values, or family values.

While you don’t have to outright agree on everything, it is valuable to know if most of these values align. For example, people with contrasting political values might find it hard to relate to each other on social or economic issues, and that can be especially hard during election seasons.

If you have different family values — say one of you wants kids and the other doesn’t or one of you wants to always live near their family while the other doesn’t — there could be arguments that affect how long the relationship can really work before an inevitable disagreement ends the relationship.  

Make sure you and your partner could meet each other’s needs (in various ways). 

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Needs are a whole spectrum in a relationship. These needs can come in the form of emotions, physicality, or stability. Sexual needs are something that definitely needs to be discussed with a potential partner, as you and your partner’s sex life can change and evolve over time.

If sexual needs aren’t being met, then your partner could start to feel unwanted, frustrated, and can even consider cheating. You definitely don’t want that to happen. If you see your sex life might go south, then you can always try and spice it up by trying new things, which can be sexy for both people.

Try to be open about what you prefer, so your partner will feel the same. If you want to explore, nothing wrong with omgkinky.com to get some ideas. But if the physical chemistry isn’t there at the start, then it’s hard to create that later.

Once you get to know a potential partner, query them as to how often they like to have sex, how much they need to have sex, and if that aligns with your sexual needs. There’s also a level of intimacy that should be there with someone that you want to commit to and spend a lot of sexy time with.

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If sex between you is not only satisfying but also reciprocal in pleasure, passionate, and sweet, then that’s probably a person you want to lockdown. But your sex life doesn’t have to be the most important need in the relationship. In fact, for some people, it’s not even that important. If sex isn’t at the top of your list, then you should be looking for a potential partner who feels the same. 

Often, emotional needs come first. When you’re first dating, it’s not always immediately apparent what the other person needs emotionally. That’s why open and honest communication creates the space in which your potential partner can be more comfortable telling you what they want and need.

You should also feel safe expressing what you emotionally need, or if something a potential partner has done has upset, hurt, or isolated you from them. This isn’t always the easiest step, but you’ll find that when someone is genuinely interested in your emotional needs and isn’t afraid to discuss them, that this will more likely be a foundation for a serious relationship rather than just a casual fling. 

Affection also goes a long way in a new relationship. If you find that you’re a very affectionate person and are looking for the same, then that’s an aspect of a potential partner that is usually introduced pretty early on. If you’re totally against PDA and this potential partner wants to constantly make out in crowded rooms, then it probably won’t work between you two.

Not to worry, different affection styles can illuminate another physical need in your relationship style that you might not have recognized before.

How do you handle conflicts? 

This is something that is a big part of any long-term relationship working. If you don’t handle fights well, then you definitely won’t come to any easy reconciling. This is also a recipe for disaster when it comes to resentments.

Even when fights end, if they’re not handled well, then your potential partner could feel burned. They might carry this grudge with them as the relationship progresses (another bad sign!). 

The first big fight is a major indicator as to how you both will deal with conflict. If one partner shuts down completely while the other ardently wants to have a discussion, they probably won’t get much accomplished in an argument, much less come to a resolution.

There also could be the problem of explosive fights that could even become toxic or physical. If you’re having major highs and lows in a relationship in the beginning, then that’s a very real indicator of instability later on. 

If you find a partner that suits well to how you handle conflict, then that’s one thing marked off the list! Make sure that communication is a core part of how you resolve issues and even bring them to light. Communication and trust are the foundations of stable relationships. 

Look for someone who doesn’t need only you. 

For a long-term partnership to work, then you’ll likely need to find someone who isn’t resting their entire self-worth on their romantic relationships. If you meet someone who seems like a serial monogamist, is insecure when you’re not around, or constantly needs reassurance, then it probably won’t be the healthiest of relationships.

For a long-term relationship to work, you’ll want to find someone who can stand beside you and is just as comfortable standing alone. This makes the division between needs and wants very clear. You’ll, of course, want a partner that wants you, but not a partner that needs you. 

If your potential partner can’t be alone, or can’t be without you, this can cause major problems. This speaks to their own self-worth and insecurities. If they make you or are attempting to make you their entire life, then you should be a little nervous. While on the one hand, this can seem flattering, it can actually put a lot of stress and pressure on you and the relationship. 

This also goes for financial stability in a relationship. If you meet someone who only wants to be taken care of, and doesn’t have much to contribute (or worse, isn’t interested in contributing) then it can definitely affect how one partner feels about the other long-term.

For example, if one partner is supporting the other fully, then all responsibility (in the relationship and outside of it) can cause the whole union to crash and burn. No one can handle all that pressure, and more importantly, shouldn’t have to. 

On the flip side, if you find that a potential partner wants to use their financial stability or control as a means to manipulate you, then this is not at all the relationship you want to accept into your life. Any form of manipulation should be avoided at all costs. 

Know what you’re looking for.

No advice is more important than this. If you don’t know what you’re looking for in a long-term partner, then you definitely won’t know how to find it. Try dating a bit to see what you do and don’t like. Take time to analyze what did and didn’t work in your past relationships.

Actively try to stray from past patterns that might have kept you and your last partner from long-term happiness. You can’t find love in another until you love yourself first. 

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Erin Lane on Email
Erin Lane
I'm a Dating Senior Writer at Independent Femme. I'm famously indecisive and love to write about love, marriage, and making the world a better place for healthy and sparkling relationships!

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