Feminine Wiles – When And When Not To Use Them

What are feminine wiles?

Whenever I hear such a question being asked, especially by women, I can’t help but think how unfortunate it’s for a woman to not know anything about it.  This is because it’s something that, if properly used, can really make a woman’s life much easier and better.

feminine wilesSeduction, deception, manipulation – men can call it whatever they want, but for me, I consider feminine wiles a powerful art.  It isn’t just the deceptive or seductive act and manner of influencing men or a careful manner to manipulate men so that we women can get what we want; it’s an art that requires much womanly skill and talent.

The capability of unleashing one’s feminine wiles is inherent in every woman by virtue of our femininity.  It is, therefore, an art that we women are naturally inclined to do.  We already have this within our core.  This is because what we are actually using here is our feminine charms, beauty, and allure in order for us to gain what we desire.

So even if most women don’t know the exact term, I believe that deep down, they already know this mysterious power that women have over men.

The use may be through a lot of different ways.  Just think about the women in the Greek play Lysistrata or Helen of Troy whose face launched a thousand ships; can we not say that even they used their feminine wiles at some extent?

In our modern times, however, it may be seen in simple and subtle ways, like using her dashing smile to bargain with a male salesman, flirting in order to get a man to buy her some drinks, or it can also be where a woman uses her sex appeal just to get help from a man when her car experienced a problem while on the road, or even using her “cute face” just so she could get away from the traffic enforcer.

These situations may seem to involve just normal attributes and characteristics that women have, but with the proper skill and creativity, it can be used to a woman’s advantage.

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If men have physical strength and power, we women make up for our lack of it by virtue of our feminine wiles.  What we have is a clever form of persuasion or a sweet psychological conditioning to let men do what we want so that we can get what we want.  However, doing so isn’t that simple.

It requires technique, creativity, and a lot of self-confidence in order to use it effectively – all of these, plus her charm, can surely have a powerful influence over any man.

However, one thing that women must remember is that we should know when to use it properly.  Women must never use it to abuse others or to put men in dangerous and compromising situations.  It’s okay to use our skills in order for us to have certain harmless gains and benefits, but it’s a different thing if we use it to trick, defraud, or injure others.  There must also be a limit to our creative and skillful influences and manipulations.

“God gave women intuition and femininity. Used properly, the combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I’ve ever met.”

– Farrah Fawcett

You love me? Thank my wiles…

A wile is a stratagem used to ensnare, a trickery used to seduce, and a seductive approach… in other words, it can be a very powerful tool for a woman. Yes, we are going to discuss the long lost power of feminine wiles.

The thing about feminine wiles is that most people think that it’s unfair to use them… It’s like women are not being real because they are merely “strategizing” a way to make the man fall for her.

The above statement isn’t true.

Just because you’re using the long-forgotten feminine wiles doesn’t mean you’re not being true;you’re just “amplifying” your natural charm. There’s a difference between outright manipulation and subtle feminine wiles.

What does that mean?

Manipulation is when you become forceful in your seduction, meaning “researching” about what the man wants and turning those qualities into yourself. That is bad; there’s no other word for that.

Here are some tips on how you can use your wiles:

  1. You’re a girl, so be a girl whenever you’re dating the guy you seem to be falling for. You can wear a fancy dress, wear high heels, and put on some makeup. This can be done even if you’re the “one of the boys” type of girl. What’s wrong if you want to be feminine on your date? It’s not like you’re “deceiving” him into thinking that you’re very feminine;you just want to look good for him.

wilesAnother thing included in the feminine wiles is the manner of speaking. Be gentle and soft spoken.

  1. Don’t give it all. Okay boys, it’s not that she isn’t going to reveal anything about herself; it’s just that she’s not going to give it all to you. Boys will call it playing “hard to get,” which is believed to be a bad characteristic. Girls, beg to disagree. Being hard to get is good because you’re supposed to take care of yourself. And, no matter how much boys deny it, they find mysterious girls attractive!
  1. Be a little touchy, be a little flirty. Right, some girls are not big on being touchy because it makes them look clingy. Not really. In fact, being touchy and flirty is one of the best feminine wiles a woman can use. First they make the man think that you’re interested (flirty part), but more than that, they will know that you’re affectionate.

Sometimes, a man is more turned on when you become a little naughty. So punch in a few naughty remarks.

  1. Bring out that smile. A feminine wiles rule that most women forget is to smile. Sometimes, women become so uptight that they forget to smile and show that he is appreciated. When a guy (take note, you really like him!) gives you a compliment, you just drop your jaw and become beside yourself. Come on! Get a grip, give him a smile, and thank him for the well-deserved compliment.
  1. Be smart. Okay, how can that be a part of the feminine wiles? What if I’m not smart? Don’t worry; it’s not about being academically intelligent. It’s about being witty, being alert, and being a little more than charming. If you’re good at something, say painting (or just any hobby, really), drive the conversation towards your expertise. That way, you’ll have something to talk about, and you even get bonus points because you’ll impress him.

These tips are not strict; you can make your own as long as it’s your personality that you’re using and not someone else’s.

Show Your Feminine Wiles While He’s At It!

Okay, you think that feminine wiles are evil because you’re very tempted to talk to his friends and ask them what he likes in a girl. Relax. There are other ways by which you can seduce your man without turning into a manipulative vixen.


It’s simple; when he initiates something, take that as an opportunity to show your feminine side.

That instruction is kind of vague; it seems sound, but there’s something wrong. I cannot put my finger on it.

That’s all right; let’s discuss it using some of the most relevant examples.

Scenario No. 1 – The gentleman compliments you; he said you’re pretty or maybe he said that your dress really suits you. Most girls will “deny” the compliment. “I don’t think so, I think I’m too big for my dress,” or “My sister is still prettier than me…” Come on, girls! He just gave you a compliment; the best you can do is be thankful. So, smile, and say thank you.

Scenario No. 2 – The man is always paying for dinner, or lunch, or just about anything. And what’s wrong with that? Nothing. Just accept it, but from time to time, tell him it’s going to be your treat. You must actually feel good because the act of chivalry isn’t lost in your man. Keep this in mind, though; don’t expect him to pay for everything. Get your purse to pay, but if he insists on saying it’s on him, give in. Submissiveness is sometimes a huge part of feminine wiles.

Scenario No. 3 – He’s opening up. Another heavy artillery in the feminine wiles department is being absorbent when the time comes that he is ready to talk. If he tells you about something that he is really interested in (you’ll feel it, promise), listen with interest, even if you’ve zero interest in the topic. Men adore women who make the effort to “like” what they like.

feminine wilesScenario No. 4 – Being a girl. So, this is it. One of the most ignored feminine wiles. If he invites you to dinner, or even a casual date, dress up like a girl. Apply light makeup, wear doll shoes, and wear a dress (still use your judgment, depending on where you’re going); the point is to let him know that you’re a pretty girl and he is the lucky one to have you on a date. Not the other way around.

Scenario No. 5 – When he’s attractive. Some girls are just too shy. When you see your man do something really good, tell him so. There’s nothing wrong in saying, “What you said was really sweet.” It will actually inform him that you appreciate his actions.

Those are some pretty useful feminine wiles, but what if they don’t work? Shouldn’t I take things to a higher level?

You can also do that, provided that you stay away from trickery and manipulation, like when you were tempted to corner his friends and demand they tell you about the things he likes most in a girl. You can use the information as a preference, or a checklist (he likes action movies, okay then, I can do action movies). But never use it to trick him (he likes girls who can cook, I’m far from a cook and I can burn water, but I can ask my mom to cook and tell him I did it).

So, yes, you can use the friend interview to level up your feminine wiles, as long as you just need a little of it and your personality will remain.

This Article is part of the Feminine Wiles series. Read On:

The Advantages of Using Feminine Wiles

The Disadvantages of Using Your Feminine Wiles

It’s true that our feminine wiles may be the oldest yet also one of the most effective tricks that we use if we want to gain something. And it’s also true that in one way or another, using our feminine charms and appeal coupled with a little flirtation, warmth, and friendliness have helped us women get through some tough times.

Our charms have always been seen as a woman’s natural advantage.  Some look at it as the last ace that a woman has up her sleeves, while some consider it a natural gift that women can make use of when all else fails. However, most only look at the advantages and forget that it too has some negative effects and certain disadvantages.

Here are some of the things that we can consider disadvantages:

Men’s Objectification

feminine wilesWe women do rely heavily on our charisma, allure, and most especially our sex appeal, and sometimes we cannot help it if upon using these things, some men objectify us.  Although it may help us to achieve more of what we want from men or to have influence or control over men, it’s still an issue that most women are sensitive about.

More women-haters

In using your womanly charms to get what you want, you’ll surely get more admirers, but on the other hand, expect that you’ll also get quite a number of female haters.  There are a few reasons Why Women Hate other Women who Use their Feminine Wiles, and one of these is that other women might be jealous because of how you effectively use your charms and allure, whereby you’ll be looked as competition or a threat to them. The list could go on, but there are just some women who hate other charming women because of pure envy or jealousy.

Too much reliance on our charms than on our brains and skills

Another thing that could be a disadvantage in using your God-given feminine charms and assets is when it comes to a point where you’ll be relying too much on your womanly charms because you’ve been used to having things your way and getting things the easy way.

The danger here is when instead of pushing yourself to work hard and exert more effort in using your intelligence, skills, and talents, you’ll just rely heavily and/or solely on your feminine charms to get to the top or to achieve something.  Instead of improving yourself and making yourself better with your craft, you’ll just regress because of having too much reliance on your physical assets and feminine charms.

Unwanted bad reputation

The possibility of gaining an unwanted reputation is also one of the disadvantages.  The truth is that some people may judge you for what you do.  Even if using our feminine wiles seems normal and common nowadays, some people may still misunderstand you.  With just one instance, people may already judge you immediately as a flirt.  Or because you frequently or always use your womanly charms, other people may give you names or gossip about you – and all of these can add something to the reputation that you have.

Understanding the different disadvantages of using your feminine wiles, however, can help you with how you act and how you use your charm in the future.

The Dangers of Using Feminine Wiles for Pure Manipulation

Using our feminine wiles is one of the oldest and most common tricks that women have up their sleeves.  We use it to get what we want, to gain something, to influence a man, and even sometimes, to control him.

I have already witnessed how women use their charm, and being a woman myself, I have been familiar with its varied usage – from a little daddy’s girl who uses her cuteness so that she can convince her dad to buy her something, to the cute little schoolgirl who’s always the teachers’ pet, to the lady who just bats her eyelashes so she can get away from the traffic enforcer, or to the alluring woman in the bar who uses her charm to get men to buy her drinks.

We’ve seen those scenarios widespread in our society nowadays that sometimes we think that using our feminine wiles harmlessly is just a common thing to do.  Well, it may really be considered as just common for women as it just comes naturally to us, especially since we are already gifted with these things.  Therefore, what is left for us is to develop these womanly charms so we can better use them to our advantage.

However, too much of anything can no longer be considered good – and too much use of our feminine wiles isn’t an exception to this.  Like a coin that has two sides, using womanly ways also has two different aspects.  On one hand, if just used properly and moderately, it can really help us gain something, but on the other hand, too much of it can also pose a danger for becoming just a pure manipulator of men.  And there’s really a big difference between the two.

feminine wilesThere’s a danger when we use our feminine wiles for pure manipulation of men.  One of these is that you’re no longer seen wholly as a charming, pure, and attractive woman, but men would fear, if not try to avoid, you.

It’s either because you already have a reputation for being a pure manipulator who sucks the life and finances out of any man, or that you’re like the classic femme fatale who is portrayed as a seductive woman who ensnares a man into deadly and dangerous situations (well the “deadly and dangerous” part may just be a little dramatic, but what I’m really trying to say is that you’re known for using your sexual allure to lead a man often into difficult and compromising situations).

Another danger is when we no longer rely on our own intelligence, skills, and abilities to reach our goals and dreams; instead, we are used to having our way just by flashing our charms and allure full force.

This is really wrong because instead of working our ass off to succeed in life, we may just be using our womanly ways coupled with lying and coercion, or even worse, we’re using sex, as leverage to get what we want.  This is especially true in the workplace, and even in educational institutions.

It might also be that our reputation is in danger.  It might be that other people are already talking behind our backs and giving us names like “crafty woman,” “a woman who sleeps around to get what she wants,” “seductress,” “praying mantis,” etc.  We might even find other women hating us and talking badly of us if we use our femininity for pure manipulation.

All that being said, there must be a limit in using our feminine wiles; we must learn when and how to use it, and most importantly, we must never use it in a wrong and abusive way.

Why Women hate other Women who use their Feminine Wiles

Have you ever experienced having a close friend and secretly hating her for the way she uses her feminine wiles on men?  Have you ever been annoyed of your bff for strutting her stuff and using it to gain an advantage on men?

It has often been said that women are complicated beings.  People often say that women can’t easily make up their minds or that women often change their minds, that as complex beings, women are difficult to understand and to predict.

feminine wilesIt might be true that women are not that simple to understand, not just in the way that women act around men but also when it comes to how women act with other women.  If men already see women as complicated when it’s women vs. men, it’s so much worse when everything has to do with women vs. women.

One of the most perplexing things perhaps that people find out about women is all the drama of women hating other women.  This is especially true when it comes to women using their femininity and other women hating it.

I’ve always been asked by men and women alike why it’s that some women hate other women when they use their feminine wiles when in fact, the women who hate other women for using their charms and beauty to have their way are also using their womanly wiles for the same reason?  Complicated, isn’t it?

Here are just some of those reasons why women hate these other women:

She’s just insecure

A woman may pretend to hate another woman to hide her insecurity.  In reality, she’s just envious of you because you’re able to effectively use your feminine wiles on men.  She may be jealous because she feels like she doesn’t have the confidence and the courage to use her charms to her advantage while it’s just easy for you to do it.  In this case, hating would be easier than accepting the fact that she’s insecure.

She’s a traditional woman raised in a conservative family

Well, if the woman was raised in a conservative family, then it’s understandable why she hates you for using your feminine assets on men.  She may look at it as appalling, shocking, or not totally moral because she has been raised conservatively.  Conservative women are not so keen on exploring sexuality and on using femininity to get our way.  Just understand that she has this different background, and it might take a while for her to have a paradigm shift and accept that using our charms and allure for our benefit is quite normal these days.

She’s afraid that you’ll steal her boyfriend

If you’re good with using your feminine wiles on men, then it’s not a wonder that other women may hate you for it because they might think that you’ll make a pass at their boyfriends.  This is especially true if she’s your friend or a close acquaintance and she knows how good you’re with using your feminine charms on men.

It’s true that some people may like what you do, but other people may not like it and may hate you for doing it.  Well, you really can’t please everybody.  Just don’t be bothered about it and go on with your life, but make sure that whatever you do is right and is legal and that you’re not stepping on anybody else’s toes while you’re doing it.  Make sure that you’re not hurting anybody and you’re using it in a moderate and proper way to not gain more haters and backstabbers.

Should Women Use their Feminine Wiles in the Workplace?

My friend and I had this interesting conversation over dinner about women in the workplace and how it’s not surprising that many women today use all that they have, including their feminine wiles, just to get to the top of the corporate ladder.   We see the use of it often in our line of work:  from an officemate who flirts with our boss, to the secretary in the other department who uses her dashing smile just so she can order around our junior colleagues to help her with some clerical work, to the young and fresh graduate who easily got a promotion.

Working with the same company for a couple of years made us observant of every little trick that our women colleagues have up their sleeves – from minimal use of charms to those that we can say are totally appalling ones.  This observation led me and my friend from just talking about our officemates to having a debate about whether women should use their feminine wiles in the workplace or not.  It was really an interesting exchange of ideas, which is why I was inspired to write about it.

feminine wilesMy friend was in favor of using feminine wiles in the workplace in whatever way that you can in order for you to achieve something.  She said that it’s no longer strange for women to use their charms, allure, and beauty just to get what they want in the workplace.  According to her, the more competitive the woman is, the more likely that she’s going to use these things to get her way to the top.

Especially in business, it’s already common for women to use their feminine wiles to close a deal, in the same way that it’s also common for men to invite their business partners to dinner or to some gentleman’s club as part of advancing their business interests.  The workplace is full of competitive people, who most likely look down on women, and since it’s indeed difficult for women to battle against these men headfirst, why not try some subtle moves and tactics to advance in the workplace?

I respect my friend’s opinion and I believe that she has a point.  I’m really not totally against the harmless use of charms and feminine wiles in the workplace, but it’s totally different if women flirt their way to the top, or worse, sleep their way to the top.

Though statistics show that about 53-55% of British women admit to using their feminine charm in the workplace, another new study (which questioned 300 female lawyers in 38 law firms in the Southeast) said that using our wiles and strategically flirting in the workplace can cause women to regress in their careers – and I believe in this recent research.

For one, it’s still morally and rightfully sound for women to use their intelligence and whatever working skills that they have to get ahead professionally.  Second, you’ll be more proud that you’ve advanced in the workplace because of your own talents and abilities.

In the long run, it also gives you a sense of professional advancement and sense of genuine achievement, knowing that you’ve surely deserved your promotion and status and that you’re fully well-equipped and prepared for the bigger responsibility that your career advancement entails.  Working your way to the top, instead of flirting your way to the top, is essential to your future success.

While in marketing and in advertising, the use of feminine assets may sometimes be used to sell or market a product, it must, however, be kept at a minimum level; professionalism must still be valued at work because it’s really one of the fundamentals of the workplace.  Furthermore, in the long run, this incessant use of feminine wiles in the workplace may just backfire.  You’ll be tyrannized by your female colleagues, you may just earn a bad reputation in the workplace, or worse, it may affect your relationship with your officemates.

Though my friend and I were having a wonderful conversation, we finally finished our dinner and had to rush home to catch our favorite TV show, so we had to leave our little discussion as it is.  Thank God for the final season of HIMYM; otherwise, I’m sure that exchange would go on for hours.

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Erin Lane on Email
Erin Lane
I'm a Dating Senior Writer at Independent Femme. I'm famously indecisive and love to write about love, marriage, and making the world a better place for healthy and sparkling relationships!

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